User blog comment:Genda Koujirou/InaIre Wiki first fiction contest - winners!/@comment-3554193-20130518181924/@comment-3554193-20130518182312

for the first story, I think it has well built scenery. But the story seems a lil' bit short and i felt like the climax came too early. The sad ending is touching. To my mind, i think    taiyou's feelings came all out too early...  and you could've extended it with deeper Taiyou's exprssn.